After three sleepless nights I wrote the history of your sons day in court. Emotionally, physically and mentally exhausted I sent clips to the radio stations, photos and eventually copy to the newspapers. I made three mistakes which I'll correct this week and correct as I elaborate on the details in next weeks Taney County Times. I know they told you not to talk to me and I never pushed until the last night when both of you confessed your thoughts. It's been hard on me, hearing your sons stories and I've learned my skin is not as thick as thought. I understand why reporters stay in the safe confines of the air conditioned newsrooms. It's costly in every concievable way to interact and force ourselves to feel what you feel as we see what you see. I do not think or pretend to understand what you've been through the last 5 years as you waited for to witness an uncertain fate.
I write today for the benefit of each of you and confess that I tried hard to keep my poker face and hold back my tears on your behalf. Jeff Merrell said it best, "Two mother's lost their sons."
Both of you have secretely confessed a desire to speak to each other and I hope the day comes that you can communicate - perhaps a good cry is in order and perhaps a reality I can share will help lighten your burden. Life is a gift - though life came thru you it never came from you. Though you had a child that child was never yours. The same is true for your own and until you can tell me what it was you did to make yourself come to be I shall beleive no different. This life is a terminal illness and on the same day one of your son's was sentenced for another one's death the oldest woman on record passed. She was 114, and if you lived this long you'd be a record holder to. Point is, we were here before and will be here after this life. Josh White's mother said she's "going home to bury her son." In a way, Josh died long ago the grips of his existence held firmly by the Meth Amphetimines that mastered his temparement. He was so young and showed signs of promise - he was going to try to get help. Josh White's mom said that she worked with Judge Williams an left Josh in jail for three months as a show of tough love. I went with you into this dark culture of Taney's underground meth scene where death was close reality as a way of life. What may, would or could have been we'll never know. They were both young and the hand of god moves quickly at a will not of our own. Our earthly lives are only borrowed.
Josh's mom revived Josh 30 times as he "officially died." I want to share a secret....there is a part of us that lives forever and if there is vindication it lies in forgiveness. By forgiving we kill the demon. Josh and James were once friends and James mom told me of her shock when she found out about James actions ...especially becuase it was Josh. James never let the demon go and his mother's advice was to get some boxing gloves, settle the beef and continue their friendship. Having met you I believe that our community hasn't seen the last of you and though we saw the dirt that took these boy's lives; remember, it's dirt that flowers roots take hold in.
